


Weakness

by nero749



Series: Artemis Trevelyan and Cullen [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cullen Rutherford Fluff, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4586457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nero749/pseuds/nero749
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During an awkward night at the Herald’s Rest the Inquisitor is targeted by Tevinter but Cullen ends up paying the prize. A potion he ingested by accident draws the romantic out of him, making it more difficult for Trevelyan to find a way to counter the potion’s effects, if she even wants to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story of the series.  
> Expect fluff and angst.

“Well this is a rare sight,” Dorian remarked when they went through the door. For once the Herald’s Restwas crowded with more familiar faces than just Bull and Sera (who both had become fixtures of the place). Sitting at the bar were Blackwall and Cassandra, joined by all three of the advisors. Leliana and Josephine were clearly having fun, both laughing. The Commander had a serious look on his face and Trevelyan remembered what he had told her Varric’d said to him, and she found herself thinking Varric might have had a point. While Sera’s making light of even the most dire situations was frustrating at times, Trevelyan genuinely felt that without Sera the darkness of these times would overwhelm her. She could actually use some relieve right now but the only open seats were next to the Commander. Dorian had already spotted them as well and guided Trevelyan past the crowd.

“Lady Trevelyan!” Josephine was the first to great her. Trevelyan waved but didn’t stop. Leliana greeted her as well, she was one of the only people in Skyhold to call her by her first name.

The only two seats available were on either side of the commander, Dorian took one and Trevelyan took the other. She shifted uncomfortably on the stool and briefly glanced at the Commander, for a second their eyes met but they both looked away so quickly they weren’t even sure about it themselves. Trevelyan wanted to say something, greet him, but she didn’t even know how to address him, she always called him Cullen but he seemed such a stickler for professionalism she suspected he hated that but saying commander… it just sounded like she was going to order him to do something.

“What a wonderful way to spend an evening, don’t you think so Commander?” Dorian’s eyes flashed to Trevelyan from behind Cullen’s head, a brief smile made her think he was up to something but then again that was usually what she felt when he said something. “Cassandra insisted,” was the short reply from the commander’s lips. Dorian looked at Trevelyan again with a ‘I knew he’d say something like that’ look on his face. This time the Commander spotted the interaction between Dorian and Trevelyan. “I should get back to my reports,” he said and moved to get up. Trevelyan immediately felt guilty. “Don’t go!” she blurted out as the commander put his hands on the bar and started to lift himself from the stool. He turned to look at her, completely surprised apparently. “Don’t?” he asked.

Trevelyan felt her face flush with blood. “No, I mean yes! Just… you know, stay?” The expression on the commander’s face seemed to be surprise mingled with something else, but she couldn’t be sure what he was thinking. “I think you could use a break,” she added, hoping to sound less desperate for him to stay. “You never seem to stop working.”

For a second the commander still seemed ready to go, but then a small smile appeared on his face, “I suppose you’re right.” He sat down again. “Good man,” Dorian said and his hand almost touched the Commander’s back before Dorian thought better of it. “Tell me Commander,” Dorian said and by the way he looked at Trevelyan just before continuing she knew she wouldn’t like what he was about to say. “How do you like working for the Inquisitor?”

Trevelyan cringed, the title was still fairly new, she had only received it a month ago and hadn’t wanted it then. It made no sense. Without her advisors she wouldn’t be able to do anything but somehow she was considered the leader. But she mainly cringed because this would involve the commander talking about her and while she didn’t think he would publically recite any of the faults he might find in her leadership, she also didn’t want to imagine what he might say.

“I, uh, feel very satisfied with the Inquisition’s leadership.”

Trevelyan shifted on the stool, if he really was happy he wouldn’t give such a measured response, surely. “Is that the official position?” she asked, sounding a little wounded.

“No!” the Commander answered, the look on her face must have betrayed her feelings because a second later he added, “yes!” which clearly did not improve her expression. “I only meant to say that you have proven yourself. Not only in Haven, but…” The expression on the commander’s face was almost sad now. It reminded Trevelyan of the first time she’d spoken to him in private after the attack, how he’d promised to not let a situation like Haven happen again, she still wasn’t sure if he had meant he wouldn’t let an attack like that happen again, or that he wouldn’t let her almost die again.

“Thank you,” Trevelyan said. The commander looked up at her. “The Inquisition would be meaningless without you.” Trevelyan froze and she could see Dorian’s puzzled expression just behind the Commander’s head. The commander suddenly looked flustered, “without your mark, I meant… “ he looked at his hands.

“I…” Trevelyan started to say but hesitated. Suddenly Cullen got to his feet. He downed his drink in one go. “I must get back to work now, I have a million things to do.” And he rushed off. Trevelyan looked at his back, a blur of fuzz and copper cloth disappearing out of the front door. In fact everyone was staring at his back, mainly because he had left without saying a word and with such haste he had almost knocked Sera off her stool and she had not been silent about that. Trevelyan come back to the world when Dorian made some kind of remark about Cullen, but she didn’t hear it. She stared down at her now empty cup.


	2. Chapter 2

The grand hall was still a grand mess. The whole thing seemed to be slowly improving but it still looked like a disaster area. Trevelyan didn’t mind but she did wish the construction would be a bit faster, if only so Josephine would no longer feel the need to discuss what several nobles were willing to endure or not. She didn’t mind being the person she complained to, but Trevelyan often felt hapless at solving those issues. True, she had a title herself and maybe that was why Josephine hoped for help from her, but she seemed to forget that she had spent most of her life in the Circle. And even if she hadn’t, she was no more cut out for that kind of life than Sera was, or… Cullen.

Trevelyan practically ran through the grand hall, bursting through the door, rushed past Solas and through another door, over a bridge, until suddenly freezing before yet another door. She didn’t want to seem like she ran there, even though she ran everywhere, so it really didn’t mean she had been exited to see the person whose office it was, or so she told herself. Trevelyan had been away for a few days, there hadn’t been any trouble and in fact it had been boring, so she was happy to be back at Skyhold, back home. It did seem strange that she never took the two strongest fighters the Inquisition had with her, but they were needed here. In her hand she had a report that she needed to give to Cullen, well, that she had offered to give to Cullen. With no ulterior motives whatsoever, naturally.

Trevelyan could already hear voices inside, something about Cole. She waited until she heard a door open and close, and then ducked when she realised the messenger who had just exited could see her from the battlements. When she felt relatively safe she entered the office.

Cullen looked surprised, more than surprised, he looked happy. “There you are!”

Trevelyan was surprised not because he had apparently been waiting for her, because it was probably just some strategy he wants to discuss, but he seemed so happy. “You were waiting for me then?”

“Yes!” Cullen rounded the desk so he stood right in front of her, just a feet between them. “I hoped we could talk.”

“You did?” Trevelyan felt her heart pounding in her chest. Her mind was making up explanations but none of them made sense.

“There was something I wanted to ask,” Cullen said, he inched closer to her and she shuffled back, causing her to almost trip over the desk. “After the attack, when I thought you were lost, and I found you in the snow,” he inched closer to her and Trevelyan tried to shuffle back again but she ended up sitting on his desk. She half expected him to reprimand her for it, or for the stack of papers she now heard fall from the desk behind her.

“I think we’re wanted in the war room,” Trevelyan said.  

“There was something I wanted to do, in Haven, during the attack,” Cullen moved forward until she felt his legs against her legs and she suddenly shoved the report at him, he took this last barrier between them and threw it on the floor. His eyes hadn’t left hers since she’d entered the office and they made her realise that even though she felt her heart pounding as if she was in danger, she didn’t really want to leave. But there was something. Something that didn’t make sense. Cullen wasn’t behaving like himself, or not like she had ever experienced him. There was something…

“I wanted to…” Cullen said and he leaned in to kiss her. It took Trevelyan a second to realise that was his intention, because even if it wasn’t surprising after this build up he was her commander and now he was trying to kiss her in his office. There was something… but she didn’t move away this time. As he leaned in to kiss her, she sat there not sure what she should do, because she knew what she wanted to do.

The sound the door made as it was slammed open was deafening. “A list from Lady Cassandra, Commander,” the messenger said before looking up. Cullen spun around to face the messenger. “What!” The messenger looked up and realised what she had interrupted. “Ah,” she said, eyes flashing between Trevelyan and Cullen. “A list,” her voice was a small squeak this time, “from Lady Cassandra?” she extended her arm to hand Cullen the report but dropped it to her side again when she realised he wasn’t going to take it. Her eyes now flashed at a corner of the floor, where a report was lying and several loose pieces of paper were visible just behind the desk.

Cullen seemed to be staring the messenger down and Trevelyan took advantage of the situation by sliding off the desk and darting towards the messenger. “Perfect timing!” she said before realising the implications in that statement. She hooked her arm in the arm of the messenger who now looked truly frightened, this not being a gesture she ever came across. “I have… some messages to send!” She walked towards the door, dragging the poor messenger with her, the small woman almost tripped, as Trevelyan was walking backwards. “Right now!” she added as Cullen took a step towards the odd couple. To be honest, she didn’t think he would try to stop her, but that she wouldn’t go if he reached her.

Trevelyan and the messenger almost fell through the open door and as soon as she was outside, Trevelyan started running back to the great hall, behind her she could hear a small voice ask, “but what did you want to send?”


	3. Chapter 3

Trevelyan burst through the door and Solas, while composed as ever, clearly spotted something in her expression. Fearful Cullen wouldn’t be the only one acting out of character, she rushed up the stairs before Solas could ask her what was wrong. She didn’t stop running until she reached Dorian. She wasn’t sure if she would say anything but she felt safer around people. She spotted Dorian, standing near one of the many bookcases, flipping through one of the books. “Did you know that – ” Dorian asked. Trevelyan looked startled and before Dorian could finish his sentence or she could respond, she heard a familiar voice coming from the stairs. “Inquisitor.”

Hesitant but still happier to hear his voice than she wanted to be, she turned around to face Cullen. “Yes?” she tried to sound casual. Dorian was standing next to her and looked puzzled. “I do not believe I have ever seen you around books before, commander.” Cullen walked towards them. “Dorian,” he said and nodded. Then he turned to Trevelyan again. “There was something I wished to discuss –“

“Can’t!” Trevelyan almost yelled. She turned her body so she was only facing Dorian now. “Busy… talking to Dorian!”

“Although not in complete sentences,” Dorian said as his eyes moved from Trevelyan to Cullen. She looked at him, pleading with him, hoping he’d understand. He did. “We were in the middle of a very engaging conversation Commander, surely duty can wait,” Dorian said.

Cullen looked at Dorian and then at Trevelyan, he didn’t look convinced. “Of course,” he said eventually. “Inquisitor, please come see me at your earliest convenience.” He nodded, turned around and left down the stairs.

Trevelyan felt relieve wash over her, but not for long, because when she looked at Dorian he was smiling like he had just been handed a present.

“I do believe you and a certain strapping ex-Templar have been up to something.”

“No,” she said, but he clearly didn’t believe her. “Not exactly,” she tried, but he still didn’t believe her. “Look, Dorian, something is going on, but it isn’t that. I think… I think there’s something wrong with Cullen.”

“He seems perfectly fine to me,” Dorian said and the smirk on his face made her smile as well.

 Trevelyan hesitated, wondering if she should talk about this or not. “He tried to kiss me,” she eventually said.

“Well, that was bolder than I expected from the Commander, but surely you’re not entirely surprised that he would?”

“What?”

“Yes, because all that flirting between you two was just my imagination I suppose.”

“Flirting? I have never…” she thought about it. She had, not always intentionally, not at first, but later… She had never allowed herself to think about it, but she had secretly sort of, maybe… “Flirting doesn’t mean anything, we flirt all the time,” she said, mainly to convince herself.

“Ah, true enough,” Dorian put the book he had been holding back on the shelf. “But have you ever seen the commander flirt with anyone else? Or be anything but professional, unapproachable?”

Trevelyan sighed. “None of this explains why he tried to kiss me.”

“It doesn’t?” Dorian raised his eyebrows.

“No it doesn’t! He tried to kiss me in his office, out of the blue, he was… he wasn’t himself or… something was wrong.”

Dorian crossed his arms. “Perhaps you should tell Cullen how you feel. If you do not want –“

“It’s not that I don’t want him!” Trevelyan blurted out, it was a tie between her and Dorian for which one was more surprised about the sudden statement. Dorian’s surprise turned into a huge grin on his face. “Well, it seems I have solved your troubles once again!”

Trevelyan shook her head. “Please Dorian, something is going on. You must know something that can cause this, just look into it and please keep an eye on –“

“Inquisitor!” she froze at the title, but especially because it was that voice again. She slowly turned and saw Cullen appear at the top of the stairs. _Oh no_ , she thought to herself. She glanced over at Dorian who didn’t have the bemused expression she expected, instead he looked slightly worried. “Commander, to what do we owe the pleasure of your company? Twice in half an hour?”

Cullen’s eyes were locked on Trevelyan’s, “we are needed in the war room.”

“Are we?” she asked, doubting it somehow.

“Yes, I can escort you,” Cullen said as he walked over to her and offered her his arm. Trevelyan immediately looked at Dorian with an expression of ‘I told you something was weird about all this!’ and Dorian’s expression said ‘I see I was wrong.’

Cullen was still standing there and Trevelyan felt an incredible desire to just take that arm. But instead she just said, “I will meet you in the war room, Cul… Commander.” Cullen frowned at her, and she was sure he knew something was up. Thankfully he listened to her and left her alone with Dorian. Well, not alone, the other people around the room were staring at them as well, some were peering down from the railing to watch the Commander disappear downstairs.

“I think you were right,” Dorian said to Trevelyan, “something is wrong here.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Ah, Inquisitor!” Josephine was still sitting at her desk, seemingly not in a rush to get to the war room. “A moment please.”

“Of course,” Trevelyan said as she walked towards the desk. As always, Josephine was busy writing things down, she seemed very skilled at writing and speaking at the same time. “But isn’t there a meeting we have to get to?”

“This will only take a moment.”

At least the meeting was real. Cullen had only used it as an excuse to come find her.

“You should know several of our allies have sent us reports about a possible plot against you.”

“I imagine this isn’t the first time you’ve received threats against my life?”

“True, but these reports all seem to point to the same plot and that is uncommon.” Josephine stopped writing and that made Trevelyan nervous. “None seem to be certain of who is behind the plot, but they seem sure it’s a magister, or a mage from Tevinter at least.”

“And there is no prejudice towards mages, so I am sure it is all genuine.” Trevelyan felt slightly annoyed.

“I agree that it seems easy to say it must be a mage, but the reports come from powerful people, I wouldn’t dismiss them.”

“A mage or magister from Tevinter? That isn’t much help, there is more than one of those who wants to kill me.”

Josephine smiled. “I agree.” She got up and Trevelyan and Josephine entered the war room together.

 

The meeting had been more awkward than she had even feared. Cullen had stared at her all the while and Trevelyan was sure that Leliana at the very least had been very aware of that fact. Trevelyan would need to speak to her later. But the second the meeting had been over, Trevelyan had rushed out of the door, ignoring Cullen’s voice, running until she reached Dorian in his usual spot. “Let’s talk somewhere else!” Trevelyan said before Dorian could say anything. “Good afternoon to you as well, Inquisitor,” he said, he might have wanted to say more, but Trevelyan urged him to come with her. They quickly moved through the stronghold until they reached her quarters. Trevelyan looked the door behind them and she pushed Dorian towards the balcony, that way, if someone came to her door she’d be able to ignore any voices coming from there.

“Please tell me you found something!”

“What, in the two hours since you left me?” Dorian asked credulously, but it was an act.

“In fact I have! I am just that good!”

Trevelyan let out a sigh of relieve. “What’s wrong with him?”

“It is either an enchantment or a potion.” Dorian slightly turned his head at the sound of faint knocking. “We should hope it was a potion, because that way the effects will wear off on their own.”

Faint knocking.

“And how long would that be?”

“It didn’t say precisely, but not long.”

Both of them ignored the faint knocking because they both realised what it was.

“That’s good then.”

“ _If_ it is a potion, we however have no way of knowing for certain.” Dorian said.

“And if it isn’t?”

“That would be bad.”

“That bad?”

 “That bad.” Dorian paused. “When did this begin? Do you remember?”

Trevelyan though back. “He was still acting normal – “

“Or rather, like the tightly wound Commander,” Dorian interjected.

“ – before we left for Redcliffe,” Trevelyan continued, “it wasn’t until after we returned that he started to act… so forward.”

“Wait, didn’t we have a drink in the Herald’s Rest before we went?” Dorian was remembering something. “I remember because he rushed out quite abruptly, but he did finish his drink. I remember being surprised he even drank anything.”

Trevelyan thought back to that night. She remembered it as well, but mainly because she felt embarrassed and that were the kind of situations she tended to remember. But suddenly something dawned on her. “It wasn’t his drink,” she said, remembering staring into an empty cup she hadn’t drunk from. “It was mine.”

The knocking had stopped but now she could hear it again.

“Whatever is wrong with him, they meant it to be me.”


	5. Chapter 5

Dorian glanced at the door, the knocking was back and he and Trevelyan had both noticed it.

“Josephine warned me about a plot against me.”

“Just the one? She must be slipping,” Dorian replied.

“One involving a magister or mage from Tevinter.”

“It’s impressive that she knows to distinguish between the two,” Dorian replied.

“Dorian,” Trevelyan said to focus his attention, “this is serious, do you know about anything like this in Tevinter?”

“You did notice that I am not in Tevinter?”

“Yes,” Trevelyan answered, growing slightly impatient. “ _but_ you might have heard something? Before you left, or since you came here?”

“Ah yes, heard something from one of my many close friends in Tevinter.”

Trevelyan shook her head, more at her own foolishness than at Dorian’s apparent refusal to take this seriously.

Dorian noticed the expression on her face, “I haven’t heard anything, no,” he said, “but then we are constantly reinventing ways to upset the natural balance of the world.”

Trevelyan nodded and changed the subject. “Please, what did you find out? About Cullen,” her eyes briefly darted to the door.

“Beyond it being either a potion or an enchantment and the cure to both?”

“Yes!”

“Nothing really, but now we have a more clear lead I will look into it further.”

“And what do we do until then? With Cullen I mean.”

“What do you want to do with Cullen?”

“Dorian please, I can’t just leave him like this.”

“Leave him being completely in love? That’s not such a horrible state to be in.”

“You know how he’d feel about his behaviour if he were himself, he’d be mortified!” Trevelyan felt horrible.

“I would worry about that later. Surely you have experience in turning down the unwanted attention of men.”

Trevelyan sighed. “What is even the point of this? Why would they want me to believe I’m in love and why would he focus on me?”

“Would you rather have someone else have his attention?”

“Can we please save the interrogation of my feelings for when everyone is in their right minds?”

“Fine. If it is the potion I think it must be it works by making you attached to the first person you see after drinking it, as you were sitting next to him at the bar, it must have been why he focused on you. I suspect they hoped to get you to care deeply for someone so they could then use that against you. Maybe they couldn’t find out enough to do something else or maybe this was easier or,” the faint knocking again, “this makes you so obsessive you would do anything for them.”

Trevelyan felt relief and disappointment. Relief because this wouldn’t be like this forever, but slight disappointment because he didn’t feel anything after all. Now she felt she would be the one most embarrassed when this was all over.

“We should tell him,” Trevelyan said.

Dorian looked at the top of the stairs that led down to the locked door. “Be my guest, I am pretty sure he is still here.”

Trevelyan nodded and walked across the room, down the stairs and opened the door.                                                             Cullen’s whole face lit up when he saw her, and her heart broke a little because it wasn’t real. “I was worried about you,” he said and he did something he had never done before, he hugged her. “You left in such a rush and then you wouldn’t open the door.”

“Cullen, we need to talk.”

“Of course!” He smiled and followed her, but he seemed slightly disappointed by Dorian’s presence.

“Commander!” Dorian smiled, but it seemed forced. “Please sit down!” Dorian gestured at the couch. Cullen looked at Trevelyan. “Please Cullen,” she said with a small smile.

Cullen at down and Trevelyan and Dorian were standing side by side in front of him, it was quiet for a while as all parties tried to think of how to phrase what they needed to say. When the silence was broken, it was all three parties that spoke at once.

“We…”

“Cullen…”

“I…”

And there was silence again. Eventually Trevelyan moved to sit down next to Cullen, Dorian followed suite and they were now flanking him on the couch. “Cullen,” Trevelyan began, “we need to tell you something.” She took a deep breath. “You know how you… how you are feeling right now, about me?” Cullen’s face turned red and he stared at his hands then at Trevelyan. “It isn’t real, you’re under a spell or it was a potion, we’re not sure yet but it isn’t real.” The look in his eyes was defiant. “You said you are not sure.” Trevelyan hated this, she wanted it to be real. “We are sure this isn’t you.” She looked at Dorian. “But don’t worry commander, we will have you back to being serious soon enough!” Cullen remained silent for a while, then he got up and marched back to the door. Trevelyan quickly followed him.

“Cullen!” he didn’t turn around.

She caught up with his pace on placed her hand on his shoulder just before he reached the door. He stopped but didn’t turn. She moved to stand before him. Without thinking she reach for his hand. The smooth leather felt warm because of his warmth and she froze for a second because she had never been so bold with him. “Cullen,” she said, “I –“

Cullen took his hand from hers, “I need a moment,” he said and walked past her out the door. She stood there, wondering if she’d just given up something that could’ve meant the world to her.

At the top of the short staircase Dorian appeared. “I’ll look into it,” he said, “we’ll find a way.” He put his hand on her shoulder before leaving the room as well. Trevelyan felt lost and soon after left to find some company because she didn’t want to be alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Last night she had told Cullen the truth and today she regretted it. All day Cullen had been ignoring Trevelyan, which she might not have noticed if it wasn’t for the fact that they had to spend all day in each other’s company because of various planning duties. He didn’t even look at her now. This was horrible and she missed… well, him.

“The new improvements to the courtyard seem very festive, do you not think, commander?” Leliana clearly knew something was up and she had been trying to engage Cullen in conversation the whole day. Cullen would only make the minimal noise required to count as a response, unless it was related to the business at hand. “Josephine?” Leliana said when Cullen didn’t respond adequately to her question. “Yes indeed!” Josephine said, but she too seemed distracted. Being less subtle than Leliana, Trevelyan had caught Josephine looking at her and Cullen and clearly trying to figure something out. Trevelyan had yet to inform either Josephine or Leliana about the situation, mainly because she didn’t know how to do so without making Cullen feel even more self-conscious. And she didn’t need him to have more reasons to dislike her. She wanted to discuss things with Cullen first, before revealing his… _condition_ to his colleagues,  but whenever she would start to talk to him he would only say “I need a moment” and then disappear off to Maker knows where, or fall into deep silence.

It was near the end of the afternoon when Leliana suggested a break, she asked Trevelyan to speak to her, but as Trevelyan already knew what she would want to discuss, she decided to avoid Leliana. For now at least. Instead Trevelyan hurried after the blur of fuzz and copper cloth, crossing his way across the courtyard, and up the stairs to the battlements.

Trevelyan didn’t run, it seemed too obvious and so when she got to Cullen’s office he had been far ahead of her. Still she was surprised to see his office empty. She was about to leave disappointed when something fell on her head. She couldn’t spot what it had been, but it made her look up and she could see a flash of something. “Cullen?” she called upstairs. No answer, but that was to be expected. Trevelyan felt more bold this time and instead of leaving she headed up the ladder. “Cullen, we need to talk about this. You don’t…  I mean you can –”

Cullen was sitting on the edge of his bed. He was busy taking of his armour. Trevelyan was startled because she’d never seen him in anything but his armour, and she know felt like a fool because trying to get him to hate her less would not be aided by her invading his privacy. Why had she gone up that ladder? Just because he wouldn’t talk to her? Why did that bother her so much?

Cullen placed the breastplate on the bed and then looked up. “I had an itch,” he said. And Trevelyan couldn’t help but laugh some of the nervous tension finally being released. “I can see how that would be tricky with what you normally wear.” Cullen smiled faintly and then got up. She saw him dragging his nails across his chest and he seemed so different, so at ease. Maybe the potion had already worn off.

“Are you all right?” Trevelyan eventually asked, still only half her body was above the floor.

“Apparently not,” Cullen replied.

“Oh,” Trevelyan said, “so you still feel…”

“I am still in love with you, yes.”

Trevelyan was shocked at the confession though why would she be, wasn’t that the effect of the potion?

“Cullen…” she wanted to say something but couldn’t, her hands tightened on the top rung of the ladder.

“Could you please stand up, I cannot talk to you like this,” Cullen said and he walked over to the hole in the floor where half the Inquisitor’s body was looking awkward. Cullen held his hand out and Trevelyan took it. Once she was standing face to face with him she said, “I know this is hard, but just think about it, you didn’t have these feelings a few days earlier and in a few days you –“

“Please let me speak first.”

Trevelyan nodded, believing Cullen didn’t want her to discuss his current state she tried to change the subject to the excuse she’d come up with on the way to his office. (It was something Trevelyan genuinely wanted to discuss with Cullen, but if she was honest with herself, it wasn’t the reason she’d followed him.) “I just wanted to ask you if we shouldn’t tell Leliana and Josephine at least about – “

“About a theory we haven’t confirmed yet?” Cullen let go of the hand he’d been holding on to since helping her up the ladder. He turned his back to her.

“We have, I mean it must be hard but you are acting so differently…”

“Because for once I went after what I wanted rather than blindly obeying duty?” Cullen removed the last part of his armour. He started scratching his arms.

Trevelyan stared at his back for a while. She hadn’t expected him to be so… so _open_ about everything. “I’m not what you want, it just feels that way.”

“Trevelyan,” Cullen said rather forcefully. She was surprised to hear him say her name and not address her by her title. “Trevelyan, how long has this potion been in my blood?”

“We think it happened at the Herald’s Rest, the night before –“

“Before you left for Redcliffe?” Cullen interrupted, when Trevelyan nodded he continued, “I recall that night. I had been there for about an hour before you arrived.” Cullen turned to face her. “Were you not surprised to find me there, in that kind of situation?”

“You mean outside of your office or yelling at recruits? Yes I was very surprised,” she grinned, but only for a moment because the look on his face made her nervous. Her heart pounded in her chest, she felt something was about to happen and she didn’t know if she wanted to stay and see it through. Eventually Trevelyan shrugged, hoping he’d leave it at that.

“I was there because I knew you would leave the next day and be gone for days or weeks again. With no contact or, no contact I’d be willing to risk. You would be thrown into danger again without… I wouldn’t be able to be at your side.”

“Cullen, I don’t know what – “

“I was there because I hoped to see you before you left. I had duties I was neglecting, but I hoped, _wanted_ , to see you before you left.”

Trevelyan felt her heart lift, but she reminded herself that none of this was real. “Then maybe the potion was given to you earlier, maybe it wasn’t meant for me after all, you don’t prepare your own food so you don’t know.” She shook her head. “And maybe it’s changing your memories of me from before as well? Or you can’t tell when you felt you wanted to see me maybe it was after – “

Cullen threw his hands in the air. “How much earlier could they have given it to me?” He was angry now. “Days? Weeks? _Months_?” Cullen seemed to pause to give Trevelyan the chance to respond but she didn’t say anything. He crossed the room now. “Because it would have had to have been months!” Cullen stood just a few feet from her now. “I have felt like this for longer than the past few days, believe me.”

Trevelyan shook her head. “You didn’t Cullen, not before the potion! Believe me you have never said or done anything that would – “

“Because I didn’t think it was possible! You’re our leader, and a mage, I didn’t think it could work.”

“Because I’m a mage?” Trevelyan felt genuinely insulted now. Cullen wasn’t the only one starting to sound angry.

“You’ve lived in a circle for most of your life, I doubt you have a very high opinion of Templars.” Cullen hadn’t meant it that way, but to Trevelyan it sounded like an insult.

“Me?” She said incredulously. “ _You_ hate magic, _you_ hate mages!”

Cullen threw his hands in the air. “Can’t you see I regret that life, I can’t change that now!”

Trevelyan huffed. “I remember your reaction when I recruited the mages!”

Cullen shook his head so vigorously it looked like it was going to fly off his neck. “Because they are unstable, unorganised and dangerous, and you let them into our camp without any supervision whatsoever!”

“I let them into the camp as our allies!” Trevelyan countered. Everyone seemed bent on leashing mages as dogs. “You would’ve imprisoned them I suppose? Started the ‘circle of the Inquisition,’ locked me in there as well!?”

“I never did anything to endanger the alliance, but – “

“Except bicker with me offer _my_ decision! Wonder how many rumours that stirred in the barracks. Do you not think that will have an effect on how the men see me? How anyone I have to present as a leader to will see me? You might not have stopped the alliance but you didn’t help it either!”

“I have not expressed my unease to anyone but you and the most trusted people in the Inquisition. I would not endanger our position nor your position as our leader. But recruiting the mages was wrong,” Cullen wasn’t calming down. “I have seen what magic can do and it cannot be ungoverned – “

“It is no more ungoverned than your soldiers are!” Trevelyan wasn’t calming down either.

“My soldiers can’t single-handedly take down a building.”

“No they can just be controlled by – “ she stopped talking because the expression on Cullen’s face changed. Suddenly she felt there was something he feared she’d say that would hurt him and she decided to stop before she did. After all arguing was not why she had come here.

“What!” Cullen demanded, naturally unaware of the truce Trevelyan had just called in her own mind.

Suddenly a horrible realisation dawned on Trevelyan. She shook her head. Cullen looked at her expectantly, he didn’t speak and seemed calmer as well. Perhaps he’d noticed her expression as well. Trevelyan glanced at Cullen and that made it really sink in. This was something she had thought of earlier, when he was still ignoring her. Trevelyan shook her head again, then in a small voice she said, “You will never forgive me after this is over,” she looked at his armour on the bed. There was still a Templar emblem on the armguards. “You will never trust magic or mages.”

“It isn’t that I don’t trust mages, I –“

“I don’t know whether you do now, but you will never trust them again after this.” Cullen frowned. “Trevelyan, I have never feared you. Well, maybe after the conclave, but after you helped us close the breach, or attempt to that first day, I never feared you.”

Trevelyan looked up at him. “But you will after this, you will hate me. That’s what this potion has really done,” and as Trevelyan was speaking she finally felt it, the real reason she had run away from this problem. “The potion, it’s  made me – “ she fell silent.

Cullen looked at her expectantly, after a long silence he spoke “made you what?” he said tensely.

Cullen was a few feet away from her, she realised this was the first time she had seen him without any of his armour on. His brown shirt hung loosely around him and for the first time she didn’t see him as the commander but just a man. It also occurred to her she might never see him like this again. “It’s made me lose something I didn’t even realise I wanted, I cared about.”

“And that is?” Cullen moved slightly forward.

“You,” she answered, barely looking at him. Just like that Cullen closed the gap between them and, cupping her face with his hands, kissed her. For a second Trevelyan remembered she should back away, he wasn’t in his right mind and she had no right to use him. But the second his lips touched hers, Trevelyan had realised she had wanted this for longer than she knew herself. After a minute she tried to break off the kiss, but Cullen put his arms around her waist and pulled her back. And as she realised, or rather admitted to herself that she didn’t want to leave, she threw her arms around his neck. With neither of them in their armour, this was the first time their bodies were pushed against each other. Lost in the moment Trevelyan didn’t think about the potion or how wrong it was to use someone under the influence of magic. This moment was perfect and exactly what she had wanted, she wasn’t even sure how long she had wanted this, longer than she would admit to even herself, maybe because she hadn’t believed it possible either.


	7. Chapter 7

The knock on this door was considerably louder than the knock on her quarters’ door had been. This knock was suspicious because as far as Trevelyan was aware, no one ever knocked on Cullen’s office door, so that made her think someone suspected they were together here. And that meant –

“I think we have enough to occupy us for the rest of the day so if you wouldn’t mind joining us…” it was Leliana’s voice, Trevelyan was too far from the hole in the floor to be able to see her, but she suspected she was looking through the door, so she knew they weren’t in the office and that they were upstairs. Trevelyan turned red and when she looked at Cullen he had turned red as well, her hands were still on his arms and she slowly slid them down his arms until she reached his hands and found to her surprise he grabbed her hands. “Cullen, about what just happened…” she bit her lip. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I have no right to, not when you’re – “

“Maker’s breath!” Cullen stopped her.

Trevelyan could see the frustration in his face, he was probably tire of hearing her talk about the potion, but it was too important to ignore. “I know you think you didn’t kiss me because of the potion, but you did…” she looked at him as he let go of her hands an turned his back to her. He seemed to be gathering the pieces of his armour that had been pushed off the bed when they had been on it. In a quiet voice she added, “You’ve never kissed me before.”

Cullen shook his head and kept rearranging things on the bed, but by now all of the pieces had been picked up and it seemed like idle work. The silence was starting to make her uncomfortable and she thought about leaving. Still not looking at her, Cullen spoke. “I haven’t wanted anyone in my life for a very long time, but I wanted you for…” he took a deep breath, “for longer than the potion could have been working on me.”

Trevelyan took a step forward to put her right hand on Cullen’s shoulder. “So you believe me now, that you are, well, not yourself.” Cullen’s eyes flashed to hers, he pulled away from her touch, and he seemed genuinely angry. “That is what you – “ he shook his head “never mind.” Apparently that was the end of the conversation in his mind because he began putting his armour back on, not willing to face Leliana and Josephine while looking unprofessional.

“Cullen, please, you can talk to me,” she said, reflecting that actually she might be the last person he should talk to about this. Cullen at any rate did not speak. Trevelyan started to feel uncomfortable, standing there, watching him get dressed. Eventually she turned, intending to leave, hoping Leliana’s unavoidable remarks would not be waiting for her just yet.

“Trevelyan,” Cullen finally said, she had already been moving towards the ladder, but when she turned around and saw him finally looking at her again, she couldn’t leave. “I won’t feel any different once this passes.”

“I’m sure you feel that way now, but... _but_ ,” she ignored Cullen’s interruption, “but neither of us can be sure and I don’t want you to… commit to something that might not be real. So please, don’t say that again until we’re certain you’re not under the influence of this thing anymore.”

“And how will we know when that is, if my feelings are real they will never change, when will you start to believe me?” His frustration was returning.

That was something she hadn’t thought about yet. If his feelings were proof… still it wasn’t just his feelings, his behaviour was different as well, but maybe this was how Cullen was when he was in love? She wouldn’t know that of course. Trevelyan shook her head, she was telling herself what she wanted to be true. “I’ll ask Dorian, he might have a way.”

“And until then?”

“We go back to our duties,” she moved back towards the ladder. She was already down a few rungs when Cullen moved towards her, he went down on one knee to look her in the eyes. His hand reached out to lift her face slightly towards him. “What will happen if I do the test and it isn’t the potion?”

“I don’t know,” she said, truthfully.


	8. Chapter 8

Leliana didn’t even _pretend_ to not realise what had happened. Trevelyan had had to walk back to the courtyard without Cullen, as he insisted on putting on his armour before joining the group. As Trevelyan got closer she could hear Leliana and Josephine laughing, Josephine immediately composed herself when she spotted the Inquisitor, but Leliana couldn’t hide her smile. “Back from your break, Inquisitor?” she asked teasingly. Trevelyan just looked at her, a new shade of red being invented by her cheeks. Josephine was clearly trying to keep herself from laughing.

After what seemed like an age of enduring Leliana’s easing and Josephine’s small talk, Cullen approached them, he looked perfectly composed until Leliana said, “I gather the break did you some good,” and she grinned at the red on his cheeks. The truth was the rest of the day was quite pleasant, far more pleasant than it had been that far. While their conversation had felt like an end to her, Cullen did not seem to agree. Cullen was smiling and every few minutes he would look at Trevelyan and smile. Trevelyan returned the smile every time, she couldn’t help herself. Even if they had seemingly agreed that he was under the influence of the potion, at least a little, she couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss, or what he had told her. As the day went on, Trevelyan felt more and more like something important had happened and maybe this wasn’t as temporary as it had felt in the beginning. A few times Cullen would intentionally brush by Trevelyan and touch her hand for just a second as he passed her. Some part of her felt she needed to say something to him, that it wasn’t right to keep this, whatever it was, going even though they both were agreed they weren’t sure what it meant. But her heart was floating on a little cloud and she hadn’t felt this happy since the beginning of this whole mess and the idea of losing that wasn’t something she wanted to think about.

 

It was evening when they finally finished for the day. Leliana and Josephine disappeared together, laughing. In case it wasn’t clear what they had been discussing, Trevelyan caught Josephine stealing a glance.

Cullen put a hand on Trevelyan’s arm, it was more than she’d expect him to normally do even if they were in a relationship, she thought he would probably be more professional out in the open, but maybe she was just trying to find proof that he was still under the influence of the potion, if he had been. _No,_ she thought to herself, _he had definitely been, probably still was._ She shouldn’t start fooling herself. Cullen stroked her arm, “Do you want to get some dinner… together?”

“I think we should speak to Dorian first.”

“Before we have dinner?” Cullen sounded slightly frustrated. “Would you not have had dinner with me before, when we were still only working together?”

She ignored his comment about only working together. “You would not have asked before,” Trevelyan said (conveniently not answering whether she had wanted to or not).

“Perhaps, but what do you think would happen now.”

Trevelyan was lost for a moment thinking about what _could_ happen now. “I think we both know that,” she said and she headed up the stairs to the great hall, heading towards Dorian. Cullen followed, he caught up with her and to Trevelyan’s surprise, she felt his hand reach for hers. She thought about pulling her hand away, but didn’t.

 

“Fancy meeting you here,” Dorian greeted them, then he looked down and Trevelyan could see the exact moment he realised that they were holding hands. He looked puzzled but didn’t say anything. “Dorian,” Cullen said. “Dorian,” Trevelyan said as well as she let go of Cullen’s hand, feeling self-conscious. “What’s on your mind,” Dorian said as if he had no idea.

“I was hoping you might have found a way to – “

“Break the love curse? You seem to be enjoying it,” Dorian grinned.

“Yes… I mean no, I meant yeah have you found a way to break it faster? And also, to test if it’s still working?” Trevelyan said.

“I am still hoping it was a potion, otherwise things will get complicated… but a test? Wouldn’t you notice if suddenly you didn’t have a puppy-eyed ex-templar following you around?”

Cullen looked miffed.

“Yeah, unless…” Trevelyan’s voice trailed off.

“Unless the feelings are genuine,” Dorian finished the thought. His eyes moved between Trevelyan and Cullen’s faces.

“I don’t think that that’ll be how it goes, but…”

“You hope it will,” Dorian said. He picked up a book that had been lying on a small stack next to the big chair in the corner. “I can help with this,” he said, “follow me.”

Trevelyan was grateful that the undercroft was empty. She wasn’t sure why it was, maybe it had to do with dinner time, but she was grateful for the privacy. Dorian was standing at the table mixing something he had found in the book. Cullen kept glancing at Trevelyan but he seemed more nervous and less affectionate than before.

Dorian approached them holding a cup of something greenish. “I will just need some blood,” Dorian said.

Cullen immediately looked suspicious.

Dorian sighed. “It isn’t blood magic, your Templar senses can calm down, I need your blood because that’s what we are testing.”

Cullen reluctantly took the knife Dorian was holding out to him. He was about to cut his palm when Dorian stopped him. “That is one of the worst places to cut yourself, you could lose the use of that hand if you’re not careful. Best to just use a finger.” Cullen listened and broke the skin on his fingertip. He held the finger above the cup, still looking worried. There was no direct effect of the blood landing in the potion, but Dorian kept his eyes fixed on the cup. He finally looked up and Trevelyan could already see that it was not good news. “He has it in his blood, doesn’t he?” She asked. Dorian nodded. Almost immediately Cullen spun on his feet so he faced Trevelyan. “This doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t genuine.” He almost sounded desperate.

“That’s exactly what it means, it means you’re being made to believe something that isn’t real!” Trevelyan almost shouted it, she hadn’t believed he wouldn’t be under the influence of a potion but she had hoped. And this was worse than she had feared.

“I remember how I felt before all this,” Cullen said.

“You don’t, it’s all clouded and – “

“I know how I feel!”

“If this helps stop this circular argument,” Dorian said, “I don’t think the potion’s effects will last for much longer, possibly only for the night.”

“How could you know that,” Cullen said.

“Your blood took a long time to react to the mixture and that means there’s not much of the potion left in your system.”

“So tomorrow he’ll be back to normal?” Trevelyan asked Dorian but she was looking at Cullen, who was looking at the floor.

“As far as that’s possible in an organisation trying to save the world from a would-be god, yes.”

Cullen nodded and left the room without saying another word.

Trevelyan turned to follow him, but Dorian stopped her. He almost never used her first name so it stopped her dead in her tracks when he did. “For what it’s worth, I do believe his feelings were there before the potion.”

“Then that test seems like a waste of time,” Trevelyan answered sarcastically.

“I am not saying the potion hasn’t had an effect on him, and right now it is impossible to tell to what extent, but I have seen him look at you before, there was something there earlier.”

“Just not the way it is now.”

“Maybe not, but it could become that way again, I think.”

Trevelyan smiled faintly. “Thanks Dorian.”

She left the undercroft and slowly walked towards the big open doors of the grand hall. “If you’re looking for Curly, I saw him rush by here just now, wearing a very serious expression on his faces.” Varric took a few steps towards Trevelyan. She thanked him and was about to run out when Varric said, “so you and curly, eh?”

“Me and Cullen?”

“I’ve heard stories,” Varric said.

“The last few days have been weird,” Trevelyan said and sort of shrugged her shoulders.

“Well the stories have been around a bit longer, but – “

“But?” Trevelyan turned to face the dwarf. “How long have these rumours been around?”

Varric laughed. “Well, since Haven really.”

“That’s… longer than a few days.”

“There aren’t a lot of good stories to tell what with the world ending, so I can’t blame people for wanting to indulge in a good romantic story.”

Trevelyan nodded  and smiled at Varric, “I have to go.”

“He’s probably in his office!” Varric yelled at her back as she rushed out into the open air.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the last night the potion will work on Cullen.

Trevelyan was rushing down the stairs, across the courtyard, and up the battlements. She had no idea what she thought she was doing, but she wanted to see him. If this really would be the last night that Cullen would feel anything for her, she wanted to at least see him one more time, the way he was now. Even if it wasn’t fair, she couldn’t give this up. And maybe he was right and Dorian was right and Varric’s rumours were true. Maybe there was a small chance. A small chance that Cullen had felt this way before. Still, he would never have acted the way he had. He was the kind of guy who stumbled over his words if you flirted with him, it would probably have taken an outright confession of love from her to get him to do anything, even if he had felt as she did.

Trevelyan reached Cullen’s office and must have made a lot of noise running up to the door because it opened before she could open it herself.

“I hoped you’d stop by,” Cullen said and, without any hesitation, he slung his arm around her waist, pulled her against him and he kissed her. Trevelyan threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back, there was also no hesitation in her this time, she wanted this and some part of her realised this had been her plan, running up to Cullen’s office, to kiss him again, believing it to be the last night she could.

Cullen broke away from the kiss and stepped back, holding the door open so Trevelyan could enter the office. She stood in the middle of the room, one hand clutched around the opposite elbow, unsure of what to say. _Maybe we should kiss again, less chance to embarrass myself,_ she thought to herself, eyes moving between Cullen and the floor.

“I wanted to see you,” Cullen said, Trevelyan looked up at the sound of his voice, she watched Cullen as he closed the door and crossed the room to stand close to her again, “before the potion stops working,” he added.

“So now you believe that the emotions are not real?”

Cullen shook his head. “I don’t,” his hand reached out to stroke her cheek, “but I also know I can’t know this for sure.”

“Well we’ll know tomorrow.” Trevelyan shrugged as if this whole thing was not breaking her heart.

“Yes.” Cullen inched even closer to her. “But until then,” he took her hands in his, “I wanted to steal a moment with you.”

“I think we just did that,” Trevelyan said and they both smiled.

“If this is the last night that I feel like this, I want to spend it with you.”

Trevelyan felt nervous. “You’re neglecting your duties? I would not expect that from you.”

Cullen chuckled softly. “Well, apparently I haven’t exactly been myself lately.” They looked at each other, the reality of that statement too much for both of them. After a short silence Cullen spoke, “Do you want to stay, here, tonight?” Trevelyan’s eyes were big and her heart was pounding in her chest. 

“Spend the night?” Trevelyan honestly wondered what her answer would be. “That wouldn’t be right, not – “

Cullen quickly replied, “I do not mean – “ then he stopped himself, a hand reaching for the back of his neck, looking as flustered as he normally did when she was trying to flirt with him. “I just meant sleep here,” he paused, “I don’t want to be alone right now, or not without you at least.”

Trevelyan smiled. “Of course,” she said. Because she didn’t want to leave him right now either. Not if tomorrow everything could be different. Cullen got a slightly mischievous look on his face, he closed the distance between them and kissed her again. The kiss became so intense so quickly, that for a moment Trevelyan wondered if she had just agreed to something else than she thought she had. Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her up, spinning her a little and then putting her down on the desk. With some kind of movement Trevelyan didn’t understand, Cullen managed to get his cloak off, he leaned in to kiss her again and she raised her hands to touch his face. Cullen’s hands weren’t on her body, she could hear him fumbling with something. Cullen broke the kiss off and lifted the breastplate over his head, placing it on the floor. He then took off the arm guards and Trevelyan realised she had now seen this happen twice in one day, where before she had never seen it. She was looking at him, realising she should stop him, because this didn’t exactly feel like he was getting ready for a good night’s rest.

Cullen held her face and kissed her. Trevelyan covered his hands with hers. As the kiss deepened she could feel Cullen slowly pushing her to lean back, and as she laid down on the desk, he climbed on it as well. Trevelyan enjoyed feeling his body through just cloth, rather than full armour. Cullen’s hand ran down her body and she shivered as a thousand ideas formed in her mind. Cullen leaned back on his knees so he could pull off his shirt, his hands already moving to the hem of his shirt. Trevelyan felt she had to stop him, remind him of what they had just said but she didn’t want to. She looked on as Cullen started to pull his shirt off, and his face was covered for a moment, so he wouldn’t remember how hard she was staring at him right now, at his body as his muscles rolled, his pale skin that looked smooth and soft and…

Her train off thought was cut off abruptly as Cullen quickly threw his shirt on the floor and pressed his mouth against hers again. Trevelyan tangled her hands in his hair, slid them down his smooth, bare skin, stroked his face. She tried to remember everything, desperate to carry this feeling with her beyond tomorrow. She could feel his hands ran down her body and pause, almost trying to undress her, but then stopping, and even though every part of her wanted to guide his hands to do just that, it actually made her stop dead in her tracks. Trevelyan let her hands fall down beside her, and stopped kissing Cullen.

Cullen looked at her, his expression full of concern. She moved to sit upright, and Cullen moved to let her. He slung his legs over the edge of the desk so he could sit down next to her. “Are you all right?” he asked. It broke her heart.

Trevelyan shook her head, but it was so barely visible that Cullen didn’t even notice it. The thing that had made her stop, was how his hands had moved to undress her, but had hesitated and then stopped. He had stopped because he didn’t want to do anything she wasn’t sure of. He wanted her permission. And here she was, ignoring how Cullen couldn’t even really consent right now. Even if he wanted it right now, he couldn’t be sure, she couldn’t be sure, and one of them should remember that.

“I can’t do this,” Trevelyan said, “not now.”

Cullen nodded. “Not tonight, right?” Cullen asked, it was clear he knew what she meant.

“Not tonight,” she repeated in answer.

“I expected as much,” Cullen said. His hand reached out to hold hers.

Right now Trevelyan felt closer to him than anyone else at Skyhold, but at the same time she was so afraid that all this would ruin their relationship, whatever it had been before all this. And how would she ever be able to accept anything less than what they shared right now?

“Maybe I should go,” she said.

“No!” Cullen looked startled at his own reaction, then he added in a softer voice, “please stay.” Trevelyan nodded. Cullen’s hand cupped her cheek, and turned her face so he could kiss her again.

Neither of them thought about dinner or any obligations that might have seemed important earlier. Cullen headed up the ladder and Trevelyan followed. Upstairs they sat down next to each other again, this time on the bed. Trevelyan felt more nervous than she had before. There was so much she wanted to say, but all the while she couldn’t help but remind herself of the fact that tomorrow his confessions would just be that of a man under the influence of a potion, but hers would still be genuine.

Cullen put his hand on hers and she turned to look at him, he leaned in to kiss her, his free hand reached up to touch her cheek. Trevelyan broke off the kiss. “Cullen, tomorrow, if you don’t feel like this anymore, you’ll regret all of this and I’ll have… _taken advantage_ of this whole mess.” Cullen shook his head. “I’m still me, and tomorrow, if this really is just magic and not true, I will still have wanted this, why does the other me have more rights over my life?”

“Because you’re not willingly saying yes.”

“I am,” Cullen said and he kissed her again. He pushed her back against the bed and they kept kissing, as his weight pushed down on her. Eventually Cullen broke the kiss off, feeling she wasn’t sure of this, he pushed himself up on his arms and rolled off her, getting up off the bed, his back still towards Trevelyan, he said, “I have never felt anything like this, for anyone.” _Neither have I_ , she thought, but her feelings were the only ones they could trust. She wanted so much just to be happy with what he had just told her, but she couldn’t be. So instead she said, “Don’t tell me that tonight.”

Cullen turned around to face her. “Because of tomorrow?” He asked. Trevelyan nodded, even though he wasn’t looking for an answer as the answer was clear to both of them. “Isn’t that _more_ reason for me to say it now.” Cullen walked over to Trevelyan and stroked her cheek, “because it is true, now.” Trevelyan covered Cullen’s hand with her own, she smiled at him as she moved to lie down on the bed. Cullen laid down next to her and put his arm around her. Trevelyan felt the heat of his body against her back.  “I will still feel the same way tomorrow,” Cullen said, breath against her hair. “You can’t know that.” Cullen brushed her hair with his hand. “I will,” he said, though she could detect some doubt in his voice. “The thought of losing this feeling…”

Trevelyan squeezed his arm, then turned to face him, she cupped his cheek with her hand, “I know,” she said, though her fear was slightly different. She thought of leaving again, but soon fell asleep in Cullen’s arms.


	10. Chapter 10

It was late in the morning by the time Trevelyan woke up, she felt an arm around her, and it took her a second before she realised what was going on. There was sunshine coming from a hole in the roof, that made her realise where she was, and more importantly, remember why she had dreaded the morning. Trevelyan looked around the room trying to figure out what time it was, and whether the potion would have stopped working by now. Then a horrible realisation dawned on her. If the potion had indeed stopped working, it would be ‘normal’ Cullen who would wake to find her in his bed, normal professional dutiful Cullen. Maker knew what he would do, if he found her here. She didn’t think he wouldn’t remember what had happened, but she didn’t want to face his righteous anger just yet.

Just as she was trying to get up without moving Cullen too much, so he wouldn’t wake up, she felt his chest heave as he took in a deep breath and she realised he was already waking up.

Trevelyan stared at his face as if that could stop him from opening his eyes and finding her here. She felt his arm slowly pull away, his fingertips running over her hip. Cullen blinked, looked around the room, and for a second there she thought he was smiling, but then his eyes ended up resting on Trevelyan’s face, and his expression changed. She felt terrified. Cullen looked at her, first he seemed confused but then… it was difficult to read his thoughts from his face. Trevelyan didn’t know what to do. Apologize? The way he looked at her, she didn’t think the potion still worked, she didn’t think he still felt what he had last night. And it broke her heart.

Cullen suddenly got up from the bed. He looked around the room, spotting his shirt he walked over and grabbed it from the floor. Cullen put the shirt on as fast as possible. “I’m sorry,” Cullen said, his back turned to Trevelyan. Trevelyan blinked, partly because it seemed a strange first thing to say to her after finding them like this, and secondly because it was such a typical Cullen thing to do.

“Cullen?” she asked, what she meant was ‘is that you, Cullen?’ With his back still towards her, Cullen said sorry again.

Trevelyan was almost certain by now, but she had to ask: “Is the potion still working? Do you know?”

Cullen almost looked back at her. “It isn’t. I know.”

“Oh,” she said, because if he could feel it _not working_ , it meant the feelings were gone. He didn’t feel them anymore. Was that what he was apologizing for? Because he remember how she had reacted to him, and now she was the only one left with real feelings?

Trevelyan got up from the bed, thankful she hadn’t taken her clothes off. Cullen still had his back towards her and she was staring at the floor. _Shouldn’t have stayed_ , she thought to herself. Trevelyan was standing next to the ladder now, Cullen was in the corner of the room, but she couldn’t see what he was doing. She shook her head at her own foolishness.

 

“Trevelyan,” Cullen said, feeling ‘Inquisitor’ too formal and her first name too familiar, he turned around to face her, but she was already down the ladder. He heard the door open and close.

 

Trevelyan was lying down on her own bed. She had been crying but tried to calm down now. She didn’t want to be this person, this lovesick fool. She had known this would happen and she did it anyway. Before Trevelyan hadn’t thought about how she felt about Cullen, she had flirted with him and had always been glad to see him, if nervous, but she hadn’t been so _aware_ of her feelings for him as she was now. The potion might have been taken by the wrong person, but they had still been able to damage her with it.

Eventually she dragged herself out of bed. She moved without thinking, she vaguely remembered that she had a meeting in the war room today. Trevelyan didn’t pay attention to anything until she reached Josephine’s office – or office _corner_. “Inquisitor,” Josephine stood up, something that didn’t happen often. “I have it from reliable sources that the attempt I told you about should have already happened.” Trevelyan had to work to remember that Josephine didn’t know about the potion, she really should tell her. “I cannot figure out what – “

“I know, Josephine,” Trevelyan stopped her, she tried to smile. “It didn’t work, they accidentally used it on Cullen.” The second she said it she regretted it, but she had just blurted it out. Maybe it was the fact that she felt so drained she could hardly concentrate on what she was saying or maybe she just needed to tell someone besides Dorian.

“Cullen? Is that why he has been so… _strange_ lately?”

Trevelyan nodded. “It’s stopped working now.”

Josephine frowned. “But how would that help stop you? Even if they had managed to get it to you?”

“Dorian has a whole theory about that, you should ask him.”

“I see. At any rate, we know who they are sending, well, I suppose _did_ send.”

“Please Josephine, could this wait, the danger has already passed.”

“ _I_ would like to have that information, Josephine,” Dorian said as he entered the room.

“Why?” Josephine asked.

“Well you know me, my mission in life is to get rid of one evil Tevinter magistrate at a time.”

“Just give it to him,” Trevelyan gestured to Dorian, she didn’t even care why he wanted it, or how he could use it. Josephine handed him the report and disappeared, heading to the war room.

“Why are you here? Were you going to the meeting?” Trevelyan asked Dorian when they were alone.

“No,” he answered, “I was looking for you.”

“Me?” Trevelyan raised her eyebrows.

“Yes, how would I survive the day without solving your problems.” Dorian patted the report in his hand. Then his expression changed, “I also realise that the potion has, most likely, stopped working by now.”

“And you came to check up on me?”

“Nothing that dreadful,” he said, but he smiled.

“Thank you.”

“How do you feel?”

“Not great.”

“So I take it the potion was what was causing his… devotion to you?”

Trevelyan nodded.

Dorian shook his head, but before he could say anything else, they were interrupted by the door opening and Cullen walking in. Trevelyan felt her heart sink as she saw or rather _didn’t_ see the look he had had in his eyes the past few days, whenever he looked at her. Cullen opened his mouth as if to say something, but then thought better of it and walked passed them towards the war room.

Trevelyan’s eyes followed Cullen as he went opened the door and disappeared. “I should go in as well,” Trevelyan said to Dorian and she went after Cullen.

 

The meeting had been awkward and when it finally ended Trevelyan quickly left the room, she kept her brisk pace up until a voice stopped her dead in her tracks. “Trevelyan,” Cullen’s voice rang out again. She turned around to spot him, he quickened his pace to catch up with her. When Cullen came to stand still in front of her he didn’t say anything and she didn’t know what to say either, and so they just stood there, standing in the grand hall. Trevelyan felt awkward, feeling all those eyes on them.

“I think… we should discuss what happened,” he started, “I shouldn’t have… I… Forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” Trevelyan asked surprised. “You were under the influence of that potion, there’s no need for you to apologize.”

“There is. I should be able to control it, resist it.”

“It did what it was designed to do.” Trevelyan shrugged.

“Make me… act like that?”

“Well it was meant for me, but yes.”

Cullen nodded. They stood there in silence for a moment, Cullen not looking at her. It was slightly less awkward then before, but Trevelyan didn’t want to stay for it anyway. Trevelyan turned to leave, suddenly she felt a hand clasp around her arm. “Trevelyan,” Cullen said in a soft voice, “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

She looked at him and thought that this was worse than if he hadn’t spoken to her ever again. He could only mean one thing by that, right? “Cullen,” she started, “I… _I’m_ sorry I… I feel like I took advantage of the situation, I should’ve ignored you or… done something _else_.”

Cullen shook his head. “I wanted the same things.”

“But only because of the potion, I’m so sorry, it wasn’t right for me to – “

“Trevelyan, I – “

Cullen was interrupted by someone calling Trevelyan’s name. It was Dorian. He could’ve guessed that even if he hadn’t heard the voice, Dorian was one of the few people who regularly called her by her first name. “Could I borrow the Inquisitor for a moment?” Dorian asked Cullen while already guiding Trevelyan away from him. Cullen didn’t answer but didn’t say anything to protest either.

While Trevelyan and Dorian walked away from the great hall to a more private part of the stronghold, Dorian had already began explaining what he had found out looking through the report and several books (which he’d decided to all carry along with him). “The thing is, I had never heard of a potion that could make you fall in love, create genuine emotion, and if that existed you know Tevinter would be selling it on every street corner.”

“But then how did you know how long it would last?”

“Well there was the fact of the small percentage still left in his blood, but I was basing it on potions I do know about that have an effect on behaviour and emotion.”

“You were bluffing?”

“No, I was deducting.”

Trevelyan felt a bit sceptic, but decided to let it go. “And now you do know what it is?”

“Yes I do.” Dorian suddenly stood still he placed the books and the report on a table, and crossed his arms. “I should’ve realised sooner what this was. I was right, they did want to bring out your weakness.”

“My weakness? That’s what it does?” She rubbed her forehead. “So what, Cullen’s weakness is… caring too much?”

“Yes it is.” Dorian paused but Trevelyan didn’t seem to be able to put the final pieces together. “The potion makes you reveal your biggest weakness,” he said. Trevelyan still didn’t understand. Dorian sighed. “Remember Haven? How we almost got killed because you insisted on trying to save as many people as possible, no matter how on fire their houses were?”

“You wanted to save them as well.”

“Absolutely not,” Dorian said but he smile, “that is not the point. The part to focus on is, that what Cullen’s biggest weakness is, what your biggest weakness is, what _everyone’s_ biggest weakness is, is what we care about. Deeply caring about something makes us risk everything for that. If you know what someone cares for, you have power over them.”

“It wasn’t a love potion then?” Trevelyan asked.

“No,” Dorian was feeling exasperated, he felt amazed that she still didn’t see it. “It didn’t make him love you, it made him act on it. It made him reveal that weakness.”

“It just made him – ” Trevelyan spotted something in the distance. A small figure, fuzz and copper cloth moving towards the stairs. He turned around as if he could feel her looking at him. For a moment her eyes met Cullen’s and then he turned around again.

Dorian was trying to get Trevelyan’s attention back, when a horrible realisation dawned on her: she might have avoided drinking the potion, but it had still worked. After all, what had she done these past days but show what she felt, what she cared for and what her weakness was. Whoever had tried to feed her the potion would not know she hadn’t taken it, but they would know that the Inquisitor had been spending more time with the commander of the Inquisition.

Two scouts walked by Trevelyan and Dorian, they both glanced at Trevelyan before giggling and talking to each other, their eyes sometimes flashing to the Inquisitor. Rumours spread fast in the Inquisition and Trevelyan knew what they would be talking about now, and that the members of the Inquisition wouldn’t be the only ones listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the final chapter, and thank you if you made it all the way here!  
> (And there is now a sequel: "Exposed.")


End file.
